I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
