I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
