Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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