I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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