I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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