Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
