Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
