She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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