**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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