ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
