Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
