He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
