You made me cry and you don't even care
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
