St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
