So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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