I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
