4 words: hood of his car
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
