I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
