I wish life had little blips of pornography
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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