I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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