no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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