I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
