I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
