Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
