I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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