nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
