So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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