if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
