yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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