I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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