just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
