I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
