Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
