Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
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