Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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