you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
