Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
