Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
