How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
