everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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