eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
