I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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