We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
