Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
