are you still at the devil's house?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
