All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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