you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
