dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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