People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
