tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
