Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
