super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
