Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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