At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
