pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
