please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
