The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
