how can u be prego again
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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