I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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