dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
