people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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