and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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